Hello again loved readers,
I have been away for three months "living life" as I have come to like to describe it as. Actually a friend of mine described my situation this way and it instantly put a positive perspective on what I have been going through. It inspired me to write a three part series of love: love your life, love your body and love yourself. I decided that without these types of love in your life you are at risk for spinning off precariously and no one wants that.
I want to spare you the gory details but to sum it up I met someone and we made grand plans to move in together. I decided to jump in whole-heartedly with both feet and hope for the best. I was divorced from my first boyfriend/first love about 7 years ago and this was the first time I chose to risk it all and open up to someone since then. Even though I did not know this person long at all, we had a great connection and great chemistry, it felt right in my heart. It quickly went down in flames as the Taylor Swift song says.
At first I beat myself up for putting myself in the situation and not paying attention to the warning signs that the relationship was heading down an unhealthy road. However, regardless of whether it was a mistake or I stayed too long, overall it was a positive experience. I learned a ton about myself, my inner strength, life and relationships through having gone through this. I realized that every experience I have had and decisions I have made good and bad have shaped me and and my life in exactly the way it was intended to be. Every person that has entered my life came for a reason to show or teach me something. Once I looked back on my life this way as a big story and not a series of mistakes I suddenly saw things clearly and with absolutely no regrets. I could see exactly where I started, the distance my path has come, the turns and detours along the way and for the first time where I it is headed.
I talk about life this way because even though I have heard all the cliches and inspirational quotes and kind words, nothing impacted me more than making the decision to "love my life" as a whole, all the good and especially the bad. When things were bad, when I felt like I had truly hit rock bottom and I couldn't believe this horrible thing had happened to me, I realized that at least I was alive to feel the pain and I was living my life. I wasn't sitting at home watching "Real Housewives", scared to take any chances or leave the comfort of my cave. I had taken a chance because for the first time I felt completely in love. I knew for this love to have a fighting chance I had to take this risk. None of us can predict the future. It didn't work out the way I had thought it would but it has allowed me to have absolutely no regrets. It is one of those hard things; like loving your enemies or the flaws in your body. Just as those things are hard loving your mistakes and disappointments is so rewarding. To be able to see them as ultimately good and with a purpose will set you free. You will stop beating yourself up and you will move in the direction of being free spirited and happy in your core, through your eyes where everyone sees it.
Let go, let God and love the crazy-unpredictable-clumsy-loving-confusing-ugly and awesomely-good mess that is your life. It is beautiful, special and full of unique purpose specific to you.
Please check back often for new posts, I plan to post at least once a week, and hopefully more frequently than that.