Sunday, September 28, 2014

Authenticity is Sexy

                                                          me makeover / sfgirlbybay

The definition of being authentic is synonymous with genuineness.  My question today is that in our society of social etiquette and political correctness do people even know how to be genuine anymore?

When I say being authentic I mean being true to yourself regardless of how others will perceive you.  I recently, by some fun luck, met someone who reminded me how great it is to just be who you are.  It reminded me of my younger and less jaded self when I didn't care how I was perceived.  I found out then that either people loved me or they didn't.  The people that did stuck around and are still in my life.  The people that didn't I was better off without.  The best thing about the old me is that is when I was the happiest.  I was being naively true to myself no matter what, and it was awesome.  That girl used to be a tomboy who wore shirts two sizes two small from Goodwill, torn jeans and converse.  I was quirky and happy and I didn't care who it annoyed.  I was eclectic and I loved living in a dumpie apartment and doing what I loved..waiting tables and nursing.  I loved dying my hair and getting my ears pierced and learning guitar.  That was me.  The truth is, it's not easy.  It's easy as a younger person when we are carefree.  It get's more difficult and vulnerable as we get older.  Experience is a double edged sword that way.  We have to keep trying though, we have to fight against the urge to conform to something or someone we aren't.  Settling for anything.  NEVER settle.  I became way too preoccupied with society and what society wanted from me.  That's when I lost myself.  Today I say screw it.  I miss that carefree happy girl.  Every challenge I have been through has taught me a lot.  Most of all it showed me I want to be that girl again.  I know that will never happen, when things happen in life it does change you.  You can never go back.  BUT you can a better, smarter and improved version of that person you remember.  That is your essence, it's there.  It was meant to be expanded upon.

I couldn't even be saying this if it wasn't for the amazing close people that haven't been afraid to be mirrors to me.  They were not afraid to be real with me.  It's rare to find people that call your stuff out.  So when you find them, keep them around.  They are priceless.  BE one of those people too.  The truth is love, love is God and God is truth.  Other real people will listen and respect it.  That is awesome.  I have less than a handful of them but thankful for each and every one.  You know who you are!

We are our most sexy, awesome and desirable selves when we are true to ourselves.  People dig that s***.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Love Notes

We all want it.  Few of us find it.  Even fewer hang onto it.

I want to talk about something interesting.  I didn't know what but once I started writing I knew my inspired fingers would crank something out.  Right now they just want to ask a lot of questions.

You have to ask the questions, then live the questions and sometimes the answers still don't come.  That's what life is about: questioning, experimenting, and learning.  Ultimately that leads to growth, at least I think that's the way it works.  Let's do this.

How do you know when you are in love? How do you know that person loves you? How do you know they are the person meant for you? Is there more than one person that can be meant for you?

Some people never find true romantic love but they find love in other places.  Or they do find it but lose it and hold that memory for the rest of their lives.  Maybe it was unrequited love (boy do I hate that term!).  People are so complicated and the feeling and expression of love is even more complicated if possible.  It's a human emotion but there is something somewhat mystical or spiritual about it too.  It's like humans want to feel in control when they feel it, even though it is something evasive that we feel has been granted to us.  From my experience feeling in love is when I feel the least in control.  I feel like it is happening to me and I am along for the ride.

I don't have the answers to my questions, I know what I know up to this point.  I know each time I have fallen in love it has been a uniquely different experience and I have learned a lot about myself.  I have my definite favorite memory of love, or maybe a favorite person that I shared it with (more accurate).  Do we ever really know how someone feels about us? I think we do.  But I think that is the true gift of hindsight.  I think in the moment it's harder to know.  I think there is more than one person we can be happy with.  But I do feel everyone has a "favorite," I like that word for love.  Favorite.

My last thought is if two people are lucky enough to find love, they should do everything they can to not fail it.  We all have faults and flaws and no one is perfect together all the time.  It's easy to walk away if love is not there.  If it you are lucky enough to share it with someone, make it work.  Don't fail love if it blesses you with it's presence.

Friday, September 12, 2014

Am I Jealous? No Dah-ling Just Territorial....

I happened across the following quote recently and it really got me thinking.


Beware of the gratuitous quotes in this entry.  I liked the color and they are just so well said, I couldn't help it!
This quote caused a lot of feelings for me.  I've had some recent relationships where if I were to ask a question about a female friend of my significant other or express a concern about certain boundaries being crossed, it is usually met with the accusation that I am overreacting and being jealous.  For the most part I have a good perspective and am emotionally stable, so I felt like this was unfair and inaccurate for my boyfriends to make me feel this way.  When I read this quote a wave of relief washed over me because it exactly put into words how I had been feeling for so long.  What is so wrong with protecting whats yours anyway? There are definitely women out there who get satisfaction and enjoyment from stealing other women's men.  They don't abide by girl code.  I have experienced it multiple times as I'm sure most women have.  We do have to stand up for ourselves and our relationships sometimes and protect them from people who want to interfere and break them up.  For one I always make a conscious effort to respect those relationships and boundaries.  This is probably why I have never had many male friends that were strictly just friends.  Can men and women ever just be friends? I will write more on that topic later.  Back to my point, it always flatters me when my boyfriends express slight jealousy for me.  This is why:


On that same note a little jealousy is healthy if the relationship is strong.  It is born from love and is a basic human emotion.  The problem arises and it gets out of control when the other person or your own irrational fear makes you feel like that person would be more fulfilled by someone else instead of you.  When the jealousy starts becoming unhealthy and causing damage to the relationship, then it's time to take another look at what's really going on and where the real problem lies.  Something is definitely broken at that point.  If you find it early it can still be fixed.  Just like intimacy I feel like the amount of jealousy happening in a relationship is a huge indicator for the relationship status.  I do feel it is a late sign though, once it gets out of control things can unravel quickly, very quickly.

Let me leave you with one last quote that pretty perfectly sums it all up for me:


So don't be afraid of some salt in moderation.  Cheers my dears it's Friday!